Sunday, March 10, 2019

Fighting Spiritual Abuse



The scripture for today is about two things: (1) Forgiveness, and (2) how to be the church together. These things are interwoven. How we forgive one another and how we address conflict and deal with those who we feel have wronged us is going to directly affect everything about we follow after Jesus. It starts with accountability to others. We have to know forgiveness with one another so that we can begin to wrap our heads around the goodness of God’s forgiveness of us
            Unfortunately, we live in a world where people see our brokenness and take advantage of it. Rather than helping the most vulnerable by pointing out that God’s grace is for them; abusers I the church gently coax victims to put their trust in people—in church leadership—rather than God who has saved you by grace. Abuse runs rampant in the church—in any institution with power, and the church has plenty of power. Worse still, because the church feels like it should be a place of moral authority, it’s easier still for people to be taken advantage of. The most visible, awful manifestation of this is sexual abuse, but it’s certainly not the only form. Plenty of pastors are spiritually abusive—whole churches are.

            One form of spiritual abuse showed up in the mailbox at the parsonage this week in a letter from an organization called St. Matthew’s Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Under the guise of being a church concerned for you, this organization sends out this stuff, which looks like it was typed up by a five-year-old, but that doesn’t matter. It says it contains a prophecy for you, and there are those in our midst who hurt so badly that when they hear that, they can’t help but feel it is true. They need it to be true. So, it doesn’t matter that this is fraudulent, blasphemous bologna—it will still attract the most vulnerable, and that’s who they pray on. When I open this letter, it informs me that all I need to do is return this prayer handkerchief—it’s a piece of paper, but who’s counting??—and my most urgent prayers will be answered. In case I’m not sure what those prayers are, they have some options for me, including “more happiness,” “home of their (sic) own,” “healings,” “money in the bank,” and, of course, “new cars.”
            Once I send in this prayer handkerchief, I will then get to open the sealed prophecy. I cheated. And now all of you are complicit, too. Sorry. The prophecy is as you might expect: all caps, featuring many underlined and bolded sentences, filled with language about how blessed I am going to be.
            My favorite part is the last line, which reads, “THANK GOD THAT THIS ANOINTED PROPERITY HANDKERCHIEF IS BACK IN THE MAIL, ON ITS WAY TO THIS 68-YEAR-OLD CHURCH. WE THANK YOU! –AMEN
            For the record, the only words in that sentence not underlined were “that,” “is” “to this 68-year-old” and “We thank you! –Amen.” Which sort of offends me, because, while it still feels like they are screaming “We thank you! Amen” at me, it’s not nearly empathic enough by comparison.
            OK, so this is obviously ridiculous. But if you Google this “church,” you will find that they report taking in roughly $6 million a month on the backs of this scam. It’s a reminder that there are a lot of victims and there are always willing perpetrators. In fact, because it’s in the name of God, it attracts all sorts of spinsters, and tricksters, and abusers. Just because you put “pastor” in front of your name does not mean you aren’t an abuser; in fact, it often makes it more likely. Their victims are the most vulnerable—people desperately in need of something; people in need of the church, a better church.
            If people are sending in money to this junk, then how much more do they need a community?! The reason this stuff works in the first place is because we have a lot of people who are lonely, who are praying for a life change, who are desperate for some miracle to come into their lives. Might as well take a chance on this shot in the dark. Because who knows?!
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            The second part of the reading for today talks about a slave who is pardoned of an enormous debt—in fact, it is an impossible debt; no slave could have ever run up a debt of ten thousand talents, nor could he have figured out how on earth to spend that kind of money in the ancient world. The point is the size of the pardon and that he didn’t deserve it. He is free to no credit of his own. And you know the rest of the story: He turns around and shakes out his fellow slave for the few pennies he is still owed. His response to amazing grace is to squabble over a few coins.
We can laugh. We can look at him like I look in derision on the refuse I got in the mail. But the sad truth is that we’re all there with him. We have been given grace and we turn around and act as if it is nothing.
The church exists to remind us of our hypocrisy. This is why I have absolutely no qualms about calling out abuse in the church. None. Zero. Because the church must have leadership that gives of themselves, following the master. The church must be a placed marked by grace and covered by humility, which means that, no, the people of the church are not the master; God is. And the moment we forget that—the moment we make the pastor the master, or the people who have appointed themselves as guardians of the gates of the church, whoever that may be—is the moment where we fail to be church for one another.
Jesus gave us the blueprint for being church together. Go to one another in conflict. I realize this is against our ways. It’s so much easier to find people you know will affirm you and then talk about how terrible so-and-so is, but that’s not the church. And I’m not talking here to those who feel abused, who sometimes do need to be removed from the situation and seek more support. Rather, I’m talking to those who have a voice, because it is easy for me to say. No matter how long I’m pastor here, the pastor is always temporary. But the thing is: So are all of you. This is God’s church; not ours.
With that said, the church is not only a place full of rules about how to interact. It should be, above all, a place where the grace of God overcomes all the division we bring. It should be a place where the lonely can find company and the despairing can find hope. It should be that, and it is. There’s a reason so many people have such a deep feeling of commitment to this place and its people; there’s a reason you might never have been able to articulate that you keep coming back; and there’s a reason you want more people to experience it—to be here, to feel what you feel, to experience what you’ve felt.
That is the church, but it’s also a reminder that because it’s God’s church—and not ours—the future may look a bit different. God will continue to meet new people in new ways. And, yes, God will forgive us of this impossible debt and we will turn around and make a mess of it, but we will also experience what is good about this together. The reality is we don’t know what comes next. No prayer handkerchief will change that. But at least, as the church, we can face it together, and remind one another that we are not alone. We can call out abuse and give voice to the voiceless. We can follow after Jesus one step at a time, because his grace is enough.

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