Sunday, June 16, 2013

Boredom, prayer, and why reading Revelation stresses us out




            Do you know that feeling when you’ve had something absolutely amazing happen—when your whole world has been rocked and nothing will ever again be the same? Have you ever had an experience so incredible and otherworldly that you have to share it? I hope you have. And I bet most of us at least have some idea what that is like. Every once in awhile the stars align and we have that perfect, often unexpected, moment. But if you have had such a moment you probably also know the feeling of trying to share it with somebody else.
            It’s hard for us to relate to subjective experiences. After our youth’s mission trip to Colorado last year we tried to share with you what it was like to experience some of the relationships we built and the emotions that we felt. Again this year when we return from our mission trip to Idaho we are planning to take a Sunday to share the same things. Of course, mission trips are far from the only time we experience these seminal moments in our lives. It happens when babies are born; it happens in moments of intense spirituality or the euphoria of your sports team winning a championship. Each of those moments is beautiful and equally challenging to share with others who are not a part of them from the beginning.
            You’ve probably been on both sides of this. You’ve not only tried to share an otherworldly, awesome experience with others; you’ve also been the one listening to others explain their otherworldly experience to you. So you know that it’s sometimes vaguely annoying to hear about this awesome experience that someone else had. Babies and mission trips are one thing, but other experiences further outside our realm of what is normal can be weird and, frankly, awkward for us to enter into.
            I think part of our problem with the book of Revelation is that we feel like that person listening in on somebody else’s incredibly spiritual experience.
            So, there were these four creatures with the head of a lion and an ox and an eagle and a man, and they were worshiping this lamb on the throne. And there were angels and these twenty-four elders and golden bowls of incense, which were the prayers of the saints, of course. And they were singing all together with so many others you can’t even begin to count, “Worthy is the Lamb.” You should have been there!
            You should have been there…
            Nothing can substitute for being there.
            Last weekend I had the pleasure of attending the NW Minnesota Synod Assembly and listening to the keynote presentations from Dan Wolpert, who spoke on contemplative prayer. We began each presentation with a couple minutes of silence and ended most presentations the same way. Now, I can always sense uneasiness whenever we pray in complete silence. You know what this is like when it happens in church. Even if the leaders are completely clear about it, there is something deeply unnerving about over a hundred people sitting in complete silence. Pretty soon you start looking at the organist or the other people in the pews, wondering if perhaps somebody forgot their next part. A minute feels like twenty. We’re startlingly afraid of what the silence will do.
In part I think our problem is that we also have this illusion that everybody who is practicing meditation has spectacular experiences like what we read today in Revelation. It’s simply not true. In his question and answer during the breakout sessions, Dan surprised some people by saying he finds contemplative prayer boring. He admitted he thinks the same, stupid thoughts he did when he was a teenager, which—if you’re like me—would be awfully boring. This is not the way to sell your spiritual practice. I think people had the impression that he would be selling us on visions and experiences like we see in Revelation. It’s just so un-American to be honest about the things that matter to us. This is not infomercial Christianity, but it’s true: sometimes the spiritual life is boring because God has to bulldoze through our egos before we even realize he is there.
            Our problem is that we-Christians want to consume other peoples’ experiences and live vicariously through them rather than opening ourselves up to what God may speak to us as individuals. Opening ourselves up to God’s presence requires vulnerability and patience—things we are afraid of. We prefer the stories of others, and we hold on to them as articles of faith. Do you know how many books have been published in the last few years about intense spiritual experiences? Hundreds, thousands. Probably many of you are familiar with books that talk about life-after-death experiences. These things sell because have an unquenchable urge to consume spiritual experiences. We think that hearing about it and reading about it will assure us of the reality we want to believe. But even if we resonate with the story, even if it feeds us on some deep emotional level, we will nevertheless be left with a kind of coldness when we are done reading, because these were not our experiences, and they might assure us but only long enough for the next best seller to come around.
            So, let me return to the “boring” practice of contemplative prayer. When Dan said that contemplative prayer is “boring” he was being honest about the way that we most often experience the Holy Spirit. It happens so often not in a flash of light or a vision like John gives us in Revelation. Our experience of the Holy Spirit so often happens in the complete boringness of silence. Unfortunately, most of us spend our entire lives combating boredom so that when the Holy Spirit lands upon us we are so busy with our iPods, automobiles, radios, TVs and other toys that we don’t have even the slightest chance of noticing God’s presence.
             I’m not saying we all need to become hermits and go off and live in the wilderness, but we have certainly swung far too drastically in the opposite direction. If you want to know why Revelation stresses us out it is not primarily because we find the images too frightening; it is primarily because the images have become too normal. Dragons, right. There are about a million movies about dragons. Thrones, yep, we got everybody’s favorite HBO series all about that. We could go on and on—every image in Revelation has been re-made into pop culture icons that we now find, frankly, boring. Under the guise of feeding our imagination with fantastic images we have completely dulled our imaginations by removing boredom from the equation. And the worst side effect of removing boredom is that we’re more bored than before!
            This has to stop. Martin Luther had this great quote that I think rings true still today. He said, “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.” That’s the kind of mentality our world needs to hear more; not “I have so much to do so I can’t spare a moment for you” and not “I have so much to do that I can’t add another thing.” No, instead, we need to say, “I have so much to do that I must first spend some time to stop.” First we can work on the stopping, and then we can work on the praying. Only when we stop and clear our minds of our boring little thoughts will we be able to experience the God who has been there all along. God is always in the present with us; the problem is that our minds often are not. Our minds spend something like 99% of their time in the past or the future. The present remains elusive.
            So, today, my hope for you is that you can take a moment to just stop. Do it at your own time and your own pace. It’s not easy. I bet you have a ton of really boring thoughts in your heads. But allowing yourself to sift through that mess and re-create the imagination you were born with is the surest way to understand where Revelation is coming from, and it’s also the surest way to experience God. I think that matters enough to give it a try.

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