A Pastor's Biggest Fear

            There’s no playbook on how to be a pastor. I mean this in little ways; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said or thought, “Seminary certainly didn’t prepare me for that!” But I also mean it in big ways, particularly about how to be a leader in this big thing that we call the church. Now, don’t get me wrong: we learn a bit about leadership in seminary, but it is one of those things that it sometimes seems like you get or you don’t, and even the lessons we learn can fade over time.

            Here’s where I’m going with this: I have a single greatest fear as a pastor. I have plenty of small fears—mostly things that are personal quibbles—but I have one big fear. It’s this: I’m afraid that I will lose my edge over time. That might sound like a strange fear, but I think it’s a very real one. Part of what makes a pastor effective (it seems to me) is that he or she is willing to go places that you don’t often go in normal life. I don’t just mean talking about Jesus; I also mean naming some of the realities that we know but that make us uncomfortable. Part of my job is to talk about (in no particular order): death, sin and the things that we put before God. I wouldn’t be a very good pastor if I didn’t do that. I wouldn’t be a very good pastor if I didn’t talk about things that we need to talk about but do not feel comfortable saying anywhere else.

            It’s easy to just be friendly. This is a tricky balance because honestly, I like you. I like Grace and Red River and the community, I like the young people here and the old people here and the people in-between; I like the schools and the neighborhood. I like the culture. That’s a good thing. The struggle is to preach into that situation, recognizing that in spite of the fact that I like you there is plenty that separates us from God and one another. I get the duty of reminding you of that and my fear is that I may skirt on that responsibility over time.

            It’s really easy to become content. Part of the reason I run and bike as I do is because I think we all need some kind of discipline to keep us on our toes. Living a comfortable life is always a temptation. I believe we are called to be more than comfortable in this life. Sometimes we have to go out on a limb. After all, what stories would we tell if things were always comfortable?

            So, I remain scared that some day I will lose my edge and I’ll start preaching boring sermons and talking about things that sound nice but don’t really impact your lives at all. I hope I don’t and I think the best way to avoid it is to be honest with my fears. For now, I’m always checking myself against that, and I think in little ways we all need to do that. This is more than just a pastor problem. There’s a temptation for each of us to be so nice that we lose our edge. Part of being a neighbor is saying what needs to be said; not malevolently but lovingly (pastorally, you might say).

            That’s a challenge: for me and also for you. May it always be a challenge that we pursue.