Exhausted

Sometimes the title just says it all. I'm pooped. Spent. Over it. Run down.

And it's all sorts of things.

It's having a ten month old. Sure... but not really.
It's pastoring. Sure... but not only.
It's the cold, dark winter days. Yeah... but only partly.
It's getting over sickness in the house. Yep... but so is everybody.
It's staying fit. Definitely, but that's as much gift as burden.
It's eating poorly. Right... but is that cause, effect, or both?
It's other peoples' faults. Yeah, if only there weren't people to cause stress.
It's my fault. Yeah, if only I didn't cause stress for other people.

It's all those things and a hundred others.

I could list the things that are leaving me exhausted (Lord knows I have to many people close to me), but it doesn't change it. It just ends with me trying to justify myself by all the things I'm doing. Yay. Look at me! And that usually ends with me feeling terrible for all the things I'm not doing. Boo. Look away!

The simple truth is that I'm glad on days and weeks like these that I don't have to save myself; that I don't have to justify myself by all the work I'm doing, because I know that I'm not doing enough. Every time I look at the list of people I should visit I know I'm not doing enough. Every time I talk with somebody and I start thinking about others things I know I'm falling short. It's one thing for me to tell other people that God takes them in all their imperfections, and quite another to tell it to myself.

Isn't that the truth? We have so much trouble telling that to ourselves.

I guess I'm comforted in knowing that I'm not alone. Being a pastor can be a tough job. So can being a lawyer, a teacher, a mechanic, a parent, a janitor, a grandparent, a babysitter, a spouse, a bus driver, a farmer. So can just about everything.

But those vocations are also what defines who we are. If you're like me you don't always live up to expectations. It is important that you get back on the horse and try again tomorrow, but what's more important is that you know that you are of more worth than the work you accomplish. And you're much, more more than your failures.

That's what God keeps telling me, anyway.