To become bound to the things that matter

Text: Ruth 1:16-17

I don't normally publish wedding (or funeral) sermons but I had multiple requests in this case so here it is. Names and places have been removed for the sake of the couple but otherwise the sermon is unaltered.

One little verse from Ruth sums up your responsibilities and commitments in the married life. “Where you go, I will go; where you stay, I will stay; where you die, I will die.” That’s not something you hear much these days. I mean, people get married because they really like each other and it’s the thing to do when two people really like each other; and people get married because they have children together or want to have children together; or people even get married for taxes or completely practical reasons, and because of this “Where you go, I will go” has lost its simplicity. You two know about going places together. It’s taken you on a bit of an adventure so far and it has brought you back here today. Nobody knows where it goes from here. The simple promise you are making now is that this journey will not be a solo effort; instead, you will be in it together—for better and, sometimes, for worse.

Maybe you’ve had people jokingly rib you over this whole marriage thing. There’s this widespread attitude that in marriage you will lose your freedom—that tomorrow you will be less free than you were today. And, honestly, it’s kind of true. This is a commitment that will eliminate possibilities from your life. In fact, from here on out in every big event that you share together possibilities for the future will disappear because you will make choices that take you down one path and close other paths entirely. This journey might include big moves, additions to the family, new jobs, and other things that will take you by surprise, but all of these things will mean eliminating possible futures from your life, always making you less and less free.

You are less free today than you were yesterday, and give it a few more weeks to settle into this whole marriage thing and you will have less freedom still. Some day you may have children and you’ll become less and less free because of them. Then, the magical moment will come when they grow up and you reach retirement and you are expecting to be finally and completely free… only to realize that you are still captive to health and time and family and all sorts of unpredictable things.

This sounds like a nice, cheery wedding message, doesn’t it?

This is the way the world will tell you to add up your life’s worth. In subtle ways, you will be told that your goal in life should be to acquire more freedom, but the truth is, when you stand up here today to share your vows with each other, you proclaim that that worldview is a lie. The goal of life is not to become freer; the goal of life is to become bound to the things that matter.

Today we celebrate your marriage—this bond that will limit your freedom—because marriage is honest about the reality of life in this world. You can’t be all things for all people; you can’t have every experience you want to have. Instead, you are making a stand that you will willingly give up a part of your freedom for each other.

The very things that I mentioned before—marriage, children, jobs, houses, retirement, and even death—are the very things that free us for the sake of loving one another. These things will come one way or another. The question isn’t whether you are ready for them. You aren’t ready for marriage—ask anybody here who’s done it. You certainly won’t be ready for kids if and when they come. Nobody is ready for death, no matter how much they convince themselves otherwise. Your readiness is not the question. The question is whether you see this new marriage as a limitation of freedom or the very thing that gives your freedom meaning. If you discover the value of giving up your wants and needs for the sake of the person you love then your marriage together will be blessed.

In the passage from Ruth, she gives this marvelous witness to a commitment that is freely her choice but that limits her actions. Wherever Naomi goes, Ruth will go. Wherever she dies, she will die. That’s tremendously limiting… and tremendously freeing. May this marriage teach you to see your bonds as freeing. May you feel free to love one another and to share that love wherever your lives may take you. And finally, may you go where the other goes, stay where the other stays, and even die where the other dies. That’s a heavy promise, but it’s also a heckuva good one.