Today, I want to talk about a single word in Ruth,
chapter 1, verse 14. The word is translated “clung” and it the verb used to
describe how Ruth reacts when Naomi has ordered her away. I want to talk about
this word because—if we’re being completely honest—we don’t have a very good
barometer for love in the ancient world. Surprisingly, this word that is
translated “to cling” or “to cleave” may show us something of what it looks
like.
But first let’s quickly recap today’s reading. There’s a
woman, Naomi, whose husband, Elimelech, dies. Their two sons, Mahlon and
Chilion, take wives from among the people of Moab and then they, too, die. So,
Naomi finds herself in a hopeless situation. She has lost her entire social
security safety net. She is in a foreign land, outside of her homeland back in
Bethlehem, and she has no means to provide for herself and nobody else to
provide for her. In the ancient world women could not own property themselves,
so what was she to do? Most widows without a clan resorted to begging. That was
the option left to them.
Ruth should have been nothing to Naomi. After her husband
died Ruth had no legal obligation to Naomi. It was also not expected of her
according to the rules of the clan. Daughters-in-law were not responsible for
their mother-in-law’s well-being. Naomi was from another clan anyway. More than
that, even if Ruth wanted to support Naomi how could she? The only way for Ruth
to live was to find another husband, or else she would have to resort to the
kind of life that awaited Naomi. Her way forward was clear, but Naomi had none.
So it is that we have this remarkable scene in which
Naomi orders Ruth to go and find a husband—Go
back home, she says—and against the conventions of the day Ruth refuses to
leave Naomi’s side. She clings to
her. The Hebrew word in Ruth 1:14 is davaq,
a word that appears fifty-four times in the Old Testament in a variety of
contexts. It is the word that God uses to explain marriage in Genesis 2.
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his
wife.”
It is a word that appears three more times in the book of
Ruth. Boaz tells Ruth (2:8), “Do not glean in another field, but <cling>
to my young women.” In other words, stay with me. Stick with it. It is a word
of connection—a word of relationship—a word of devotion—but ultimately it is a
word of love.
To davaq with
someone is forge a bond and hold on. It means to stick to it even when forces
are pulling you apart. This devotion is found in marriage, in friendship, with
family, and more, which is why this word appears in so many contexts.
Relationships in the Old Testament are hard to understand.
Most marriages in the Bible have little to do with love; they are as often transactional.
A man owns his wife; sometimes, she is even tied to a land deal, a dowry, or
some other business. Other times, marriages in the Bible are formed from lust,
even from violence or rape. Power. Marriage is often about power in the Bible. From
the time of Abraham to the Exodus to the kings and the diaspora, the rules
around marriage change with the times and relationships rarely look anything
like what we view as a healthy marriage today. This is why whenever anybody
talks about the “biblical definition of marriage” I begin to suspect that they
haven’t actually read the Bible. In various places the Bible details an array
of relationships that I guarantee you do not support, whether your view of
marriage is what you might call “conservative” or what we might call “progressive.”
The “biblical definition of marriage” is one place where all of us can agree
that we don’t much like it, because there is no single biblical definition of
marriage; it is a moving target.
However, one aspect of good, biblical relationships is
universal. They involve some manner of davaq
with one another. You cling to one another against all the forces that are
pulling you apart. Good relationships are ones where our commitment grounds our
love. Good relationships are more than the old-style Disney romance; they are
commitments to something bigger than yourself. Ruth clings to Naomi, and it’s not
out of any romantic love—I mean, who knows, I guess?—but more than likely she
loves her because she sees her as the beloved human being that she is
regardless of their relationship, and you can’t change that. Love is not
controlled by social norms. You can try to restrain love by defining it
legally, but it bursts out. Human beings will sacrifice a lot of things to fit
in but not love. We value love so much because it is the defining
characteristic of the God who created us. It is who we are meant to be, because
it is who God is.
We were
created for love, and love follows no rules. You can try to police it. You can
even make laws about it. Scripture often tries to keep relationships in check.
Society does the same. In the case of Ruth, she isn’t breaking any laws by
clinging to Naomi, but to cling to Naomi means fighting currents in a world run
by men. Remember, she can’t own property; she can’t work to provide for her
loved ones. Having Naomi by her side will always be a hindrance to a successful
life. Still, she won’t let Naomi go. This is true love—agape love—that demands
nothing in return, and we know this because Naomi has nothing to give.
We are
all desperate for this love. We are desperate to know that another will willingly
cling to me even when by all rights they should be leaving me behind. We are
desperate for this because it is a reflection of our need for a God who knows
us to our core and still calls us “Beloved.” Above everything else, we want to
know with certainty that we are loved for who we truly are and not the person
we pretend to be. In love we become vulnerable willingly. We risk loss, and, whether
by choice or by time, loss will come. Still we persist. We love because God
loved us.
Don’t
qualify it. Don’t try to define it. What it looks like for you will not be what
it is for somebody else. Who cares?
Love is
so powerful, in fact, that when we keep it captive it inevitably comes out
sideways. The problem of hate is truly a problem of a lack of self-love. It is
love dependent on others and unmet—at least in our view—so we turn to something
that we can control, and so often that is hate. We need more than the love of
others, which is dependent on sinners who often choose not to cling but to use
and abuse. Instead, we need to know how deeply we are loved already by something more powerful. The love of God is
yours regardless of your relationship status, regardless of your hopes or
dreams, regardless of your sexual orientation, regardless of anything that
wears at your heart. The love of God is yours if you are single, a widow or
widower, divorced or separated, happily married or not-so-happily married. But
this love is often hard to believe, because it is like the air we breathe—necessary
for life, yet difficult to see—and so we may think, “Yes, the love of God is
mine and I know that, but if only I had this one other love I would be complete…”
Others have more love than us, we imagine. Perhaps if I just had this one more
love…
On some
level, all of us are like Naomi, never expecting Ruth to stay because we’ve
been there before. We’ve loved and lost. After all, why would she stay? There’s
nothing we can offer! Yet, we hope deep down that she does, because without her
it feels like we have nothing. In Naomi’s case this was truer than for most.
Without Ruth, she saw only death in her future. But this is not a story about
the love of Ruth. It is not a promise that we will find our Ruth or our Boaz.
It is not about love being fulfilled by other human beings. Rather, Ruth is a
reminder of what God’s love looks like. God’s love is so powerful it will never
let you go, even when the loves we want fall short of our hopes and dreams.
You are
loved.
So,
that’s it. You are loved perfectly and completely to the end of time. That’s
the sermon.
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